It happened.
The one thing that I've been incredibly cautious of every time I go out of the house (and while i'm in the house- but it's easier here). Sometimes I've wondered if part of the fatigue I feel when I go out is just from trying to be so careful; trying not to fall in public. Today it not only happened- but it happened BIG, and at work- in front of my boss, our director, a colleague and a member of my staff.
I was walking out of my office, stopped to say something to my Director when my hip slipped out & down I went- HARD. There I was, sprawled out on the floor, everyone frozen thinking "what the hell just happened? She was standing and now she's not?!" The intense heat in my face paled in comparison to the intense pain in my right hip, knee & elbow that took the brunt of my fall. At around now everyone jumped into "action"- well...they all jumped to my aid, trying to figure out what "action" would be helpful.
So, it happened. I fell in front of people. It hurt my already aching body, my dented pride (which really has not been an issue for me- though this situation certainly reminded me that I have some) and my spirit. Is this the first? Is the me beginning to lose my mobility?
The one thing that I've been incredibly cautious of every time I go out of the house (and while i'm in the house- but it's easier here). Sometimes I've wondered if part of the fatigue I feel when I go out is just from trying to be so careful; trying not to fall in public. Today it not only happened- but it happened BIG, and at work- in front of my boss, our director, a colleague and a member of my staff.
::::appropriately stunned silence:::::
(Discomfort was had by all.)
I was mentally assessing my pain vs. real injury; trying to ultimately figure out if I should get back up, and how. I kept just saying "I'm fine" over and over again. I put my hip and knee in place and got into a sitting position (thank God I wore my nice trousers today instead of a skirt or dress). Everyone just came toward me, not knowing what to do, asking if I was ok. I was not ok. I was in pain and mortified & I didn't know what to do, so I just kept saying "I'm fine." At one point, everyone was just silent (and of course staring at me with eyes like saucers) and I said a final (perhaps a bit too loudly) "I'm fine!" At that point everyone offered an "Ok if you say so" type of answer and left me to gather myself. I used the chair my Director brought to me to help me to my feet, hobbled to my car and left (I was in the process of leaving anyway for a long lunch to pick up a sick daughter from school)So, it happened. I fell in front of people. It hurt my already aching body, my dented pride (which really has not been an issue for me- though this situation certainly reminded me that I have some) and my spirit. Is this the first? Is the me beginning to lose my mobility?
Oh Kris, I really feel for you in this situation. I have been there too. One day I was crossing Summit Avenue (a very busy very up-market street in St Paul MN), dressed in my Aubergine silk suit, when for NO REASON my ankle gave way and suddenly I was in a heap on the ground sprawled over the center line markings! I have also fallen in the office and in an assortment of other embarrassing places.
ReplyDeleteI think you are asking some really valid questions here too that are worthy of consideration. Like how much energy is really spent trying NOT to fall? and Is this the thin edge of the wedge as far as mobility deterioration is concerned? Personally I put a lot of energy into not falling and also I use the cane much of the time to assist with my balance. I KNOW that my mobility is already compromised and is likely to be more so.
People worry because they care, no one wants to see you hurt, as far as the embarrassment goes you really need to try and give yourself a break.
take care and stay upright!
Boy howdy do I feel you here! At just 24 I finally gave in and started using a cane after the 2nd humiliating fall in my workplace. The second time was in the cubical hallway and I almost knocked over a wall! My falling issue actually got a bit better after the birth of my first child (changed my hips) but I now an just very upfront with all my friends: I fall, randomly and sometimes like a poleaxed ox. But I'm rarely injured and they shouldn't worry too much. It's still very embarrassing when I'm walking across a room and suddenly hit the floor because some weight bearing joint suddenly, isn't bearing weight.
ReplyDeleteDo you have bad acid reflux? It's secondary to a lot of EDH suffferers and it's actually my worst public embarrassment! On a bad reflux day I can asperate stomach acid and it sets off a choking coughing fit that can last for 5-10 minutes before I can do more than wave terrified onlookers away. I've had more than one offer to call 911 in the past so I've started to preventatively warn my friends about my asperation attacks too. That happened at work once too, had 2 of my managers hovering over me asking if I needed an ambulance while I'm coughing my head off while trying to give them 'ok' sighs with my fingers and wave them away. Ugh!